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Posted 09 June 2017 - 06:49 PM



Indigo, ND: abandoned baby boy SEAN is adopted by CLAIRE who has just given birth to SARA. All seems fine until baby Sean is diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. With his sister by his side he survives a childhood of medical drama. The course of treatment causes the once tiny baby [no need to tell us someone was tiny when he was a baby.] to grow into a sexy teenager, [The treatment caused him to be sexy?] but Sean’s freshman year of high School becomes a living nightmare. In addition to his disability, he must survive bullying and sexual assault.

Sophomore year Sean contracts pneumonia. He meets JEN, the ex-girlfriend of one of the bullies. It’s love at first sight. She stays by his side and later they start dating.

The couple takes [take] a road trip where [during which] they make love. Jen becomes pregnant. She is forced [by whom?] to move to Seattle to live with her grandma. Sean spirals out of control. Sara gets accepted to UCLA. Facing the prospect of losing his sister he [Sean] attempts suicide. As Sean [he] is loaded into an ambulance he meets JOHNNY, a young paramedic.

Sean slips into a coma, during which he meets a series of ghosts. He awakens to find that months have passed. He asks Sara for help [With what?] and they discover together that their birth certificates don’t match. An enraged Sara confronts her mother.

To regain her children’s love, Claire allows Sean to accompany Sara to California. Sara sneaks off to see Johnny [Sara knows Johnny?] and makes him promise to make it to California. [Why would he be willing to make that promise?] Upon arriving at UCLA, Sara forces Sean to get a job on campus. [She makes Johnny promise, she forces Sean to work at UCLA . . . How does she have such power over other people?] Sean suffers heatstroke, requiring hospitalization, the same day that Johnny reappears. Having held up his end of the deal, he insists they tell Sean about the Jen and the baby. After an emotional phone call, Jen is convinced to move to Los Angeles.

Reunited, the family looks to the future. [Which family? Sara, Sean and Claire? Sean, Jen and baby?] After a conversation with Jen about the possibility of Sean modeling, Johnny looks up an agency. Sean is immediately signed. Sean walks his first runway show in Death Valley and leaves feeling empowered. [Isn't Death Valley a desert?]

Sean and Jen plan to marry, but issues arise concerning Jen’s parents since she was estranged from them since leaving Indigo. With the help of her childhood pastor, Jen learns the truth [What truth?] and reunites with her father. Sean’s father presents him with his inheritance, [What father? His biological father? If it's his adoptive father, why wasn't he introduced along with Claire?] enough money for Sean, and his friends to live out their dreams.  What are their dreams? All it takes for them to live out their dreams is a sudden windfall of cash? Sean and Jen spend their honeymoon under the stars.


Notes

What's with these ghosts? They're mentioned in one sentence. Do they want something? Do they speak?

This would work better if it felt like you were telling a story. Some parts need specific information to explain them (Ghosts). Some don't need to be here at all. (Pneumonia, heatstroke.) Not sure about the modeling. It seems to come from nowhere.

As with the shorter summary in the query, focus on the Mc, what he wants, how he plans to get it, what goes wrong.



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